Mommy, are you the Tooth Fairy?

I don’t know how I figured she’d ever suddenly be aware of the truth behind Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny.  Maybe someone at school would shatter her world with a dose of reality, maybe she’d walk in on Santa leaving presents under the tree – I really hadn’t given it much thought.  Until now.

During the Holidays, I remember Jane asking things about Santa, but I naively believed she was asking ‘in the spirit’ of the Holidays and  I answered accordingly.  In the same conversation, I mentioned that I needed gift ideas from both kids for Santa – with my teenage son asking whether there was a price limit on the list for Mom and Dad (not Santa).  I answered that the North Pole was hit by the recession too, so don’t get too lofty on his wish list.   My son John and I were a little puzzled at some of Jane’s Santa comments, but again, we took them to be in the ’spirit of the Holidays’ and went along our merry way.

This week, Jane lost a tooth and made a comment about putting a note under her pillow for the Tooth Fairy.  I asked what the note said, and she told me that she requested a pencil or stickers instead of money this time.  I smiled and said that maybe the Tooth Fairy didn’t have them in stock.  My husband, Jack, looked at me and said, “Mom, do you have any pencils?”  Jane looked at me in utter shock and said, “Mom, are you the Tooth Fairy”?  I actually thought she was playing along and answered, “Do I look like the Tooth Fairy”?  Jane answered that it would be OK if the T.F. didn’t have them – but she figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask.  Inside, I’m in a mild panic trying to figure out if I have any girlie pencils or stickers hidden anywhere . . . only to find out that I didn’t.  I left her pillow empty that night, figuring I’d go out the next day and get her requested pencil or stickers – but I did remove the note and tooth.

The next morning, she comes downstairs to tell me that the T.F. took the note and tooth, but didn’t leave anything – so I must have been right that the T.F. doesn’t carry special items with her.  I took her comments in stride – she’s always been one to ’stay in character’ when we are having funny conversations.  The next morning, Jane found two Japanese erasers under her pillow along with a note (in my handwriting) apologizing for the delay.  She was absolutely elated and talking about the Tooth Fairy as if she were the best thing since sliced bread.  By the end of the brief conversation, my son and I were left thinking that she actually believes in the Tooth Fairy.

I’m now not-so-mildly panicking trying to figure out how to find out what she still believes in without giving her a massive reality shock.  I don’t want her to go to school talking about the T.F. only to get embarrassed by her classmates.  I really don’t know how much of her actions were her playing along and how much were her actual beliefs.

So, if anyone has been in my shoes before, I would appreciate hearing how you handled this ‘end of the innocence’.

I’m beginning to see a trend here. Every time a challenge presents itself, Jill will bounce it off me to get some feedback. Hey, this is what friends are for, right? But when she doesn’t like the answer she simply ignores me and turns to others for their opinion.

You know what, I’m not offended. In fact I see this as an opportunity to prove once again that I am right and she is wrong.

Here is the deal. We’ve touched on this issue previously. I have suggested that we go ahead and bust this bubble only to be turned away. Jill, I think, is having a hard time accepting the fact that her babies are growing up. Allowing Jane to remain in this dreamworld where Santa and the Easter Bunny exist serves to extend their childhood and thereby gives Jill the opportunity to maintain the status quo.

Knowing Jill, she will say I am being cold and harsh. I’ll admit that. But that doesn’t mean I intend to bust our daughter’s bubble in the same manner.

As I see it we have only two possible outcomes to this.

1) At an appropriate time we come clean with our daughter that the “spirit” of Santa and the Easter Bunny are important but that they are only spirits. In doing so we have the opportunity to develop deeper levels of trust and maintain our open channels of communication. At the same time we can help Jane develop as a person and gain a greater respect for tradition.

2) We can let some bastard of a kid at school shatter her world in a public and humiliating way. As intelligent as our daughter is I’d like to think that she would figure out how to deal with it and life would go on. But even if she does there will always be that little voice in the back of her head saying “you’ve been misled by your parents.”

Honestly, I expect when the day of reckoning comes we are going to learn that Jane has long questioned the truth. When Jill speaks of Jane’s “utter shock” I saw something a little different. What I saw was the acting of shock.

Maybe I’m wrong about that but either way it is an issue that has to be faced, I believe, to prevent it from becoming a potentially damaging and embarrassing life experience for Jane.

So who is right and who is wrong? Should we continue to debate this or deal with it? And more importantly how should we handle it, is it time for a confrontation?