Want to start a fight among a married couple? Just bring up household chores. I made that mistake yesterday; the only problem was that I was part of the couple.
| He Said | She Said |
| We probably should have had this talk many years ago, but we didn’t, and now it looks as if it has become an issue.When we were first married, it all started off fine. I believe household chores were fairly well divided. I recall often doing the dishes or running the vacuum in our little apartment. At first I even insisted on doing my own laundry.
It wasn’t long however that I relinquished the laundry at my wife’s urging. She stated that it only made sense since she was going to be running a load anyway. Plus a lot of my work clothes were run through the cleaners in those days. I distinctly recall warning her that it would only be a matter of time before I would take this for granted. Not because I’m a louse, but because it is human nature! Over the years many things have changed. The most significant include the addition of two kids and her opportunity to become a house goddess. Simply put the dynamics have changed. I’m sure I don’t convey it to her enough but I have told others and believe that being a stay at home mother and wife is not always easy. Home makers don’t get enough credit, it is a job unto itself, but it is a job and along with it come responsibilites just like any other. Does this mean that a wife should always do all the laundry and all the dishes (this one was the instigator of this conversation) and all the errands and all the cleaning? I don’t believe that this is true. But does that mean that the husband is automatically obligated to do all the lawn mowing, kill all the spiders and fix everything that is broken? I don’t believe this is true either. However, if one spouse is dedicating their life towards bringing home enough bacon for the family to survive and thrive I do believe the other spouse should work to address as many of the life tasks as possible. While one works hard every day, all day so should the other. In my mind it is not unreasonable to expect the stay at home parent to be primarily responsible for the cooking and the cleaning and the routine chores and errands that keeps the family business moving foward. But that doesn’t mean that the stay at home spouse cannot ask for assistance occasionally when things are overwhelming. Just to be transparent, I don’t do nothing around the house. I cook breakfast every weekend. More often than the past I take the load for cooking the main dish if we are grilling or smoking. Most repairs and household maintenance falls on my shoulders and most of the yardwork is also my responsibility. And then on occasion I do help with other chores. My biggest mistake is simply taking all my wife does for granted. She does work hard and I do appreciate her support even if I don’t say it often enough. |
It’s funny how one comment can come back to bite you in the butt, isn’t it?
Let me begin by stating, without doubt, that I love being a full-time mom. I don’t like the term “domestic goddess” – it sounds condescending and bitter. Do I live the life of one? Probably. I just don’t like the title. Being a full-time mom is a fluid position. When the kids are little, it is extremely exhausting and labor-intensive. Jump to the present – we have a young teenager and a tweenager – and honestly the daily tasks of life have become simpler. Get the kids up and out the door to school – and the day is my own to decide how and when to do things. There are mornings I completely indulge in watching Regis & Kelly. There are other mornings that I hit the “to-do” list with vigor. I volunteer at both the elementary and middle schools regularly each week and truly enjoy the opportunity to share my time with the kids/school. Housework is no longer a priority for me – I completely admit it. Before kids, when I worked full-time, the house was immaculate and religiously cleaned every Friday/Saturday. Now . . . not so much. Don’t get me wrong – it isn’t filthy, it just has a “lived in” feel to it. The comment that started this post was about the dishes. I despise dishes with a passion. You spend all that time to prepare dinner - everyone sits down for some good old-fashioned family time. It’s a special time and we both cherish it. Withing 30 minutes, everyone is done and clearing the table. The kids are off to finish homework or enjoy some free time before showers. Jack heads for the computer hoping he can beat our son who wants to play WoW. When I’d like to “clock out” and enjoy some evening down time, I’m hit with the reality that the dinner dishes need to be done. Full-time moms don’t get the luxury of “clocking out”. I’m not complaining – ok maybe I am a little. Weekends are a little different. I’m not a breakfast person – I could take or leave a typical breakfast meal. My husband is the opposite – he loves his bacon. So, we eat a “real” family breakfast at least once every weekend. My husband is kind enough to let me sleep in during the weekends that we don’t have early morning soccer, academic bowl tournaments or any other event. And, yes he cooks the breakfasts. I am a lucky girl to have him and readily admit it. This conversation began because I was unhappy with the idea that I have to clean the breakfast dishes. I cook, I clean . . . he cooks, I clean. Where’s the equality there? For the record, other than the breakfast meals and some grilling outside, Jack doesn’t do “housework”. I can’t say I “expect” him to – I know it’s “my job”. I simply thought it would be nice to get some time off – and maybe not having to do the dishes after he cooks would qualify as time off. Maybe I’m being difficult . . . it just rubs me wrong. How about this. You don’t have to tell me you appreciate me . . . just do the dishes after you cook. Actions speak louder than words – and I would be able to hear that loud and clear! |
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