Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

A couple years ago we had an opportunity to stay in the company but move to the south eastern part of the country.  Jack would have a very similar job, but he would be able to spend most of his time in a region, rather than the entire country.  We figured we should escape the expensive California housing bubble while we could and relocate to a more affordable market.

So Jack still travels, but his time at home has so much more quality.  He occasionally even catches the kids’ activities/award ceremonies that happen during the week.

During the Holiday Season, he managed to take the same amount of  time off that the kids were home from school – it was truly a glorious 17 days with Daddy home.  We ate, played and really made the most of our family time.

I often joke with Jack after he’s been in town a few days – asking if it is time to pack his suitcase yet.  We have a wonderful marriage that allows us to be very open with one another.  We love to banter – I think our relationship benefits from our ability to hurl loving “comments” at each other.   We do this good-naturedly and often laugh at ourselves in the process.

I think the fact that Jack is gone so much has it’s challenges, but I also think it allows us to appreciate each other and what we have.  I can honestly say that we have unconditional trust and love – and as much as I give him a hard time when he’s in town – I genuinely miss him when he’s not here.  I probably should do a better job of telling him/showing him.  Don’t underestimate how much your spouse appreciates hearing these things.

I think of the many military families – that spend many months apart under hazardous conditions.  I tip my hat to them, my heart aches for them and my most sincere thanks and appreciation goes to them for all they do and endure.

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?  I don’t know – but I know it makes me appreciate Jack  more and want to make sure we maintain our strong, loving bond.  Want to guess when I really miss Jack?  When there is a big ugly spider in my house!  Jack is my arachnid-fighting hero and my best friend!  Thanks Babe!

However, some studies actually reveal that long-distance relationships are not necessarily doomed. The quality of the relationship and the personalities involved make all the difference. The choice to accept a traveling lifestyle was not made alone. We discussed it, considered the potential pitfalls and the benefits. While there were many pros and cons, the driving criteria was that the benefits of this job would allow Jill to stay home with our son.

Our experience has not always been easy. In the early years the travel was very frequent. I will never forget coming home one weekend to a very quite and reserved Jill. I inquired if there was anything wrong. Her response, “nothing.”

Men know that when you ask a wife what is wrong and they respond with ‘nothing” that is a signal to be scared, very scared!

Eventually she opened up with the comment, “I’ve figured out what I am. I’m a single mother 5 days a week!” I’d never heard anything so painful before. In my mind this indicated we were just weeks away from a new career path or divorce court.

I backed off travel for awhile. We continued to discuss the challenges and found ways to address Jill’s frustrations. Fortunately all has worked out. That instance alone, I think, is enough to prove that the sweet saying of “Distance make the heart grow fonder” isn’t worth its weight in gold.

Relationships and love are built on communication, faith and commitment. There are many things that could introduce a rift in our relationship. But I believe if we are committed to each other, believe in the ability to address any issues and communicate that we can overcome virtually any challenge.

But we also have the fortune to reconnect on a regular basis. I cannot imagine the challenge of being separated for months at a time. I don’t pretend to know how to address the difficulties our military families face. I have no idea how much opportunity they have to communicate but I believe this is the key.

Having the opportunity to be a “knight in shinning armor” killing the spiders probably doesn’t hurt either!